today i watched a movie called Letters to God. i was told it was a sad movie and yet i still chose to watch it. anyway one part of the movie triggered a memory from my childhood.. or several memories i should say. and i started crying really intensely. i didnt know where all of the emotion was coming from but my heart felt like it was being ripped apart. they were memories i have chosen not to remember, ones that i have kept locked away. and its strange how the things we feel when we are kids, like whether its the greatest joy or the deepest hurt... those emotions never really go away. and in a way, it molds you into the person you are and who you become. BUT i am realizing that is not how it has to be.
maybe i have always known that.. but it hasnt been a reality in my life.
God gave me this dream that there was a little girl trapped inside of a whale. and she had been living in this whale for years and years and its all she has ever known. one day when she is a young adult, she gets discovered and she cries out to be saved so, a group of people come to rescue her. this whale has to be killed in order to save this girl. she begs for the people not to hurt the whale because it has taken care of her for all these years, it's apart of her. she identifies herself with this whale and if it dies then part of her dies too.... but, in all actuality, this whale has kept her from living. the people cut open the whale an you can start to see her hand come out, but she keeps reaching back for the whale, she doesnt want to let go.
if you dont get it. i am that girl. such a dummy.
we all need to let go of our pasts no matter how good or bad and let God make us into the people he wants us to be. because i know that when i give my life over to Him, He does things that i cant even imagine doing on my own.
i have so much to write, i just cant. im a huge wreck. i will finish writing later.
