chasing after the wind

i dont know how to stop.. i just feel like i am spinning, and spinning, and spinning.. until eventually i lose control. it's like when you would sit in the computer chair when you were little and just spin until you were so dizzy that even when you tried to stop, your body was so use to spinning it just wanted to keep going and you werent in control anymore. the only way you could stop was to hold on to something like the desk or fall down on the floor. i dont know how to fall in this situation. and just like when i was a kid, eventhough i hated the dizzy feeling after spinning in a chair, i did it over and over and over again.

i am only 21 years old and i am in such a rush to grow up. haha.. i mean i guess some would consider me grown up but i mean i am not liking this age or phase in my life. i just want it to be over. i dont like partying, i dont like drinking, i am not a typical 21 year old. yet i keep chasing after pointless things. i feel like i am running after the wind and i can never grasp it. because its meaningless. just like the book of ecclesiasties says over and over.